It's 1:00 in the morning on a Monday night & I can't seem to sleep, so I thought I would write about a topic that's been on my mind & heart as of late. The subject is friends. I wish I could say that I had a lot of them. Sure, I have a lot of acquaintances, but I don't have many friends. You see, I moved to Atlanta a little over a year ago and its been very hard to adjust to society here. I did not attend a southern SEC or ACC school, therefore, I didn't come to Atlanta with my whole sorority of girlfriends who seem to be able to pick up right after college and continue on as friends through their 20s.
What about childhood friends back home? I grew up in Jacksonville, FL and developed some wonderful friendships during middle and high school. I cheered with these girls, took cruises with these girls, went to summer camp with and so on....but I decided to go to Liberty (in Virginia) for college while they all remained in-state. Actually, most stayed in town and continued on. Adding to that, my parents moved to Alabama right before I left for college in Virginia, meaning that I never went back home to Jacksonville. They all moved on as I have.... but what brings tears to my eyes is that they are all in each other's weddings 5 years later.... and me.... well, I didn't get an invitation. Life moved on.
So what about college friends, right?! Surely those are your best friends. I met a lot of 'buddies' in college, sure, but my school didn't have any tight-knit sorority structures where there are multitudes of females to make friends with. I developed some sweet relationships with the girls on my hall that I do still keep in contact with today. Them? All married. Two have babies. One moved to Austrailia, one married an Army man and has lived many places & the others are (of course) involved in their married lives. We keep in touch via facebook.
Enter in moving to DC and beginning to make a career for myself....then enter in moving back to Virginia and into the 'big white house' with 3 amazing girls.
The only thing about those girls is that they all still live in Lynchburg. And though I know they love me dearly, we only see one another maybe twice per year. Their lives have moved on with their jobs and new friendships (some engagements and some babies) and I am making my life in Atlanta.
So make friends at work! Well, I really enjoyed many of the people that I worked with at the agency, but with the way things went down in that situation, I've never seen nor hung with any of them again. Even though I would! They didn't choose to be nasty -- the company did. Still, a bit awkward though as you could imagine.
I do have some friends at my new job (which I love by the way), but honestly, work is so busy, that I am lucky to make it down to the cafeteria for a salad to-go most days.
Church..... I sit alone most Sundays. I have tried joining a small group twice, but it just was not the right fit and I knew it. I will keep trying!
So, yes, I have some friends.... but really, are they more acquaintances? To say this time of my life has been difficult is an understatement. I don't fit in with the married girls...I don't fit in with the moms-to-be.... I try to find decent girls in Atlanta, but it's hard. Really hard.
I'm not giving up hope! I am trying to focus my thoughts on things I have accomplished on my own this year. It's been crazy. But now I am ready to make some relationships. If I can't be in my childhood group, and if I can't quite associate myself with my Lynchburg group now.... who can I associate with?
Just trying to find where I belong... if that makes any sense.
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I can fully relate to this post in so many ways. I feel like this was meant for me! It may look like to an outsider that I too, have a lot of friends but really, it's just a lot of acquaintances. I have very few close friends. It's hard moving around and not feeling like you fit in anywhere but the good news is, God will bring the right people in your life at the right time.
ReplyDeleteI used to get so frustrated about not being included or not fitting in, with in certain circles but When I finally (as corny as this sounds) let go and let God, he blessed me so much with amazing friendships that still have today.
God bless Brittney!
I can imagine how you feel. while i do have a handful of best friends, they all live scattered across the country. i moved back home and feel like i don't fit in. I'm single, my friends are not. eveyr day i hear about someone else who is engaged, married, or pregnant. Many of my old friends are so busy with their careers and relationships while i'm working part time while looking for a teaching position. We are in different stages of life and it's not so easy to make new friends as it is on your first day of kindergarten. I've branched out (and out of my comfort zone) and have started just inviting aquaintances to do things together in hopes of finding more people to connect with, and so far i think i've made some decent new friend ships. you can check out meetup.com it's a good site for people new to an area. see if you're interested in any of the events or groups they have in your area. hope this helps :)
ReplyDeleteI completely understand where you are coming from. As I get older it is so much harder to find friends and I do not like it! I know God places people in our lives at His perfect timing but the patience in waiting is tough. Hang in there girlie!
ReplyDeleteHi lovely. Your not alone.. I too have a similar situation with friendships... I have a feeling a lot of us girls blog to reach out to other women. You have such a beautiful blog and your stories about your life, style and beliefs are so sincere and beautiful.. There is no shame enjoying your own company and family and to be honest I would rather have one amazing, true and loyal friend to 10 acquaintances . Be strong and enjoy the time to focus on you xx
ReplyDeleteMaking friends as an adult is quite tricky, in my experience too. My only recommendation is stick close to your family, cultivate the relationships you can, and try not to let 'marriage' be such a distinguishing factor among your friends. When living in NYC, I joined a few volunteer projects and found that Habitat for Humanity was a really great way to meet people (and is generally on Saturday so it didn't conflict much with work).
ReplyDeleteI feel like I am in the same group. I have my childhood friends. Then there are my roomies from college that I am not as close with anymore. I hate not knowing what is going on in their lives, but they are obviously okay with not being in mine. I could only try to much. Have you thought about the Junior League? I recently joined this year and it has been amazing. Best of luck, keep your head up! :)
ReplyDeleteYou are definitely not alone. What about joining some meet up groups in Atlanta? You'll know from the start that you have a common interested with them!
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way! I think so many girls can relate!
ReplyDeleteI relate to this post, although I haven't moved.
ReplyDeleteThe girls I was close with in middle school became the 'cool' but sort of mean girls in high school. I took 3 years off and got close with the girls at the grocery store I worked at. Went to college, was somewhat close with one girl and then she moved back home.
the whole time, from graduation until now (26), I have raced cars and spent my summers in the US so most of my friendships fell apart, except for one from the grocery store, and one girl I met at the races. I love both of them to death, even though we don't see each other much. Things fall apart but they come back together over time. I am so lucky to have them.
When I started my 'big girl job' 3 years ago, it was a slow process but eventually became close with one of the girls here.
You seem like a wonderful girl who has such a big heart - I don't doubt you will find your best girlfriends in a short time ahead. Keep your chin up :-)
I can totally relate to this! All my friends live in Atlanta and I live in LA. I grew up in Atlanta, my whole family and circle lives there. It is hard to be away from everyone. I have one good friend out here who is expecting her first baby in two months. While I am over the moon for her things are just different now. I think you being open to making friends is the first step. Hopefully in the near future we will both have a couple great friends who we adore. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteGirl! I can TOTALLY relate. Especially about the church thing. It's sad, kind of, to think that some of my good friends are from the Internet. I know how weird that sounds, but honestly, it is what it is!
ReplyDeleteI wish there was a magic answer. Or a pill I/we could take and we would have a great foundation of friends and a welcoming support system!
You are not alone whatsoever!!!!
If you ever figure out the key to making friends as an adult please let me know. This is something I'm struggling with too. I joined a softball team, started going to church, am trying to be social with people at work but it's just not the same. Good luck honey!
ReplyDeleteI think that everyone feels like this at one point in their lives. I feel this way a lot of the time... I have redeveloped relationships with some friends from high school but it isn't the same as where I am/what kind of friends I need today... Good luck! I know that you will find people that will feel complete in your life!
ReplyDeleteXO Lucy