I have been hesitant to write this post and have had to craft my words ever so carefully the last few days. Though at times blogging is wonderful and you get to share so many great things with readers...the flip side is that your life can become somewhat of an open book. Being that I have had this blog for 2.5 years now, I frankly don't seem to have a choice, do I? It really is the emails from readers like you that keep me writing... so, thank you. I appreciate them so much.
I know some may wonder if I date or if I have gotten back into that whole swing of things again, and the truth is that I have. It took a good 9 months to do so, but I began dating again when I felt ready to and the timing consequently occurred after I moved to Atlanta. The truth is that I have been out with 6 guys since moving here. Six. They are/were all a thumbs down and frankly, I am exhausted. I hate dating because it is such a game.
An exhausting game in which I am done playing.
Of course you have the dud dates that only happen once.... one in particular for me, the guy watched the news the entire time in the restaurant until I finally leaned in and asked if there was anything good on TV. 45 minutes into the date I bailed saying I had an appointment with my trainer at the gym. I did.... just not that soon. I guess he finished watching the news on TV?
Another keeps texting me that we need to hang out again, we need to hang out again.... I respond, "Sure, let's do it!" Writes on my Facebook wall, "Let's hang out...".... I'm like... Okay, so ASK! DUH. What are you, in 2nd grade?!
But, I have to say this last month was not fun at all. Reminded me of why I don't like men and it will take a man sprinkled with glitter from the good Lord above for me to know that he is trustworthy enough for me to provide a small snippet of my time to. I'm ready for one man to prove me wrong. Just one.
So, I really hit it off with 2 people in particular. Had a lot of fun & a lot in common. I was told many things and was highly pursued. Nothing too new...I'm used to this game. I played my cards right just as every girl should and started with my wall and guard up. I figure I have every right to. After being fed words of 'trust me' and 'you are wonderful' and some really fun dates that followed... I was asked to bring my wall down. I began to. That is until I hear that they are not over their ex and are confused. This not only happened once, but it happened twice.
So, I loved all your comments on my previous post. They were too funny. I love how everyone thought G was adorable -- he is. I've known him 3 years - went to school together in VA. He was the first guy that I actually felt comfortable posting pictures of on my blog since D. How it went from "I want you come out to Arizona and visit me while at grad school" one day, to "I still have feelings for my ex", I don't know. But it did. My guard was up... I just wanted to be friends like we had been.... and the minute I start to trust what I am told and I let the thick, chained walls around my heart (that is being held together by tape by the way), I get tossed. Again.
I've dated the closet alcoholic cowboy, I've been engaged to a pompous fool that can't commit to anything to save his life, I've been out with the jocks, the metrosexuals, the politicians, and the good ol' boys. Something must not be right.
And for the sake of all sakes, please do not leave me a comment telling me that I need to stay positive and that my prince charming is out there because frankly, I'm over it. I've met many prince charmings.... and that's what they were... charmers. Not real.
It's been a wake-up call to me..... who can I trust? I don't think I want to date anymore. I'm sick of it. Sick of the players. Sick of the men that don't know what they want or who they want it with or if they even want it at all. Sick of rebounders. All of the above.
And, I'm done.
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i feel you and absolutely agree... men suck
ReplyDeleteI'm right there with you. I hate the dating game. I've swore off dating for the time being and just having fun with my friends :)
ReplyDeleteI surely won't tell you to keep your head up - I am Negative Nancy in a big way over here lately!!! You know I will always commiserate with you!! I have been there. Trust me. The Atlanta dating scene is really tough, especially at our age - the majority of guys around here are stuck in the college frat boy mentality. I would LOVE for any of your Atlanta readers to comment and tell us where the decent guys are hiding, because honey, I'm from Atlanta, know so many people it's ridiculous, and can't find them!
ReplyDeleteOMG I agree with everything you said. I am the VERY LAST of my friends to be single. That's right, I do not have even one single girlfriend. If I hear one more time that I am cute and sweet and "gosh why has no one snagged you yet" I will hit someone. And I too hate dating- I actually just had a breakdown two days ago to this exact tune. It's exhausting!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you girl. Enjoy time with your girlfriends right now. That is what I'm doing. The right one will come around when you least expect it. I am a firm believer in that! Keep your head up!
ReplyDeleteAmen sista.....quit looking and just live, that's what I am doing!! Life is far too short! I too called off a wedding 4 months before.....best decision of my life!!!
ReplyDeleteI hear ya. Dating is such a GAME. I hate it. I'm tired of being single, but the game of dating is boring now. I just want a normal nice guy that will take my breath away because he's just him. I'm tired of the arrogant guys who try too hard to impress me. I've dated doctors, head of sales dept of a big company, multi million dollar corp buyer etc. The sales guy- I was in love with him. Amazing connection, but yup- he still didn't man up when it came time. Right now I'm focusing on myself and if a guy comes along, great, if not, oh well.
ReplyDeleteI hear ya. Dating is such a GAME. I hate it. I'm tired of being single, but the game of dating is boring now. I just want a normal nice guy that will take my breath away because he's just him. I'm tired of the arrogant guys who try too hard to impress me. I've dated doctors, head of sales dept of a big company, multi million dollar corp buyer etc. The sales guy- I was in love with him. Amazing connection, but yup- he still didn't man up when it came time. Right now I'm focusing on myself and if a guy comes along, great, if not, oh well.
ReplyDeleteI have a theory that they just don't make men like they used to. There are very few ambitious, goal-orientated, "family men" out there. At least in my experience :)
ReplyDeleteGirl, I don't know how you do it! I've been broken up with my ex for about 1.5 years now and I'm just getting up the courage to go on my first date! And I don't want to do it!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry all the guys in the world are lame. It sucks.
OK, dating is the worst the absolute worst! It's complicated by the fact that you are beautiful, so that means that you have to sort through even more schmucks.
ReplyDeleteIt's a game, and the rules are forever changing. It's frustrating and at times it feels hopeless.
Allowing your guard down even a little bit means that you have just allowed yourself to get hurt again depending on the outcome.
You have your own home, a fabulous job and wonderful friends. While it would be lovely if God would bring that sparkly glitter good guy into your life, do you really want or need that guy right now? Probably not... I mean who wants to start dating someone right at Christmas then you have to buy someone you barely know a Christmas gift just to be nice :) Miss Brittney you never fail to inspire me with your positive outlook and unwavering faith. I noticed Lauren made the comment about how difficult it is to date in Atlanta, and I'm sure other women in the city feel your pain too. One of my favorite movies is Facing the Giants, and one of my favorite scenes is the Nothing is Impossible with God Scene, on You Tube I believe it's scene 11. Just remember that even when you are discouraged and you feel hopeless absolutely nothing is impossible with God. That's not to say that we are never allowed to get frustrated and discouraged, we're human and we are blessed that God is bigger!!
It is really frustrating! But maybe this is God's way of showing you that right now isn't the time for you to find someone or have someone in your life. God has a reason for everything. Instead of taking control, give God control and focus on your relationship with Him. Eventually He will prepare you to find the right guy at the right time. Good luck girl!
ReplyDeleteUgh, dating sucks... I am sorry, my dear.
ReplyDeletemen suck, until you find the one that doesn't...which you will.
ReplyDeleteSorry your dates were bad, dating is HARD! No doubt you feel frustrated!
But hang in there, one day when you least expect it you will find him!
I loved your tweet about the blog comments.
ReplyDeleteAre you freaking kidding me that he said he wasn't over his ex? What a wussy thing to say.
Isnt that the truth!!! I love how honest this post it. Especially the guy that says "lets hang out.. lets hang out..".. It makes you wonder, are you just being shy waiting for my move or what?! Never a winner! And of course we all know that "he is out there, and its going to come one day, and when we least expect it.. blah blah" WE KNOW WE KNOW! It doesn't make the process better to handle! If only there were sure answers out there.. we just rely on faith and lil springs of hope every now and then. It sucks.. until it will all be worth be it. (Which is hopefully very very soon!!!!) :)
ReplyDeleteI know how frustrated you must be!! Okay this is totally random but I have a brilliant idea, for if your still single by this summer :) emailing you now!!
ReplyDeleteI completely understand what you mean. I've been with Jay for over three years, but if we were to breakup? I can't imagine having to do the whole dating thing all over again- it's exhausting!
ReplyDeleteI had to come out my google reader to comment. I've been down that road of frustration plenty of times. I think every girl shoud date themselves, focus on you and what majes you happy. I read a book Freshmen yr. of college, called ''I Kissed Dating Goodbye'' changed my whole perspective of dating and helped. People say, when your not looking...that special one will pop up...till them have fun being single!!
ReplyDeleteYour head may have given in, but your heart never will. It is constantly seeking it's match...seek and ye shall find :O)
ReplyDeleteThis may not be an option you like, but what about just NOT dating? It's OK. You don't HAVE to date. If you don't WANT to date, if it's not fun, then don't. Don't force things just in hopes of finding that special someone. An important thing I've learned is that nothing can be forced or rushed if you want it to be RIGHT. :-) Just take a break hon. it sounds like you deserve and NEED it. Focus on YOU.
ReplyDeleteI will tell you..when the right one comes along you will be eating your words!! I was feeling JUST like you..I promise! David & I got married 3 months after we met because we just "knew"
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone sweet friend! Let me tell you, I barely date. Which is sort of depressing in itself really. But when I do date the boys turn out to be COMPLETE fools. I mean fools. and what I have noticed whenever the foolery starts shining through and causing their outward charm to crack, is that, in the end, I feel like something is wrong with me. I know this isn't true at all. but for the short time that I wonder: Why do I even say yes to hanging out or going on a date with these guys? And is there really something wrong with me because I want to get married? (I have had so many guys open a first date with the line "well I mean I am not looking for marriage, oh boy, no way am I ready for that!) Do I put out this vibe that makes a man say that to me before the date even begins? And why arent they ready to commit? What is so wrong with commitment? Whether it be in a friendship, a relationship, or a marriage? Why are these fools so afraid of commitment? And in the end to sum it all up, I either choose really really lame men who put on a good show of being 'normal' or there is something deeply deeply wrong with men are age and their thoughts on dating. and like you it is going to take a man sprinkled with dust from heaven to cause my walls to come down.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more... men stink. You need to worry about you and only you and let them find you. I'm sorry to hear that about your friend... that's what girlfriends and family are for - to not let you down!
ReplyDeleteI.SO.UNDERSTAND. When I met Eric, I didnt even think of him as an option b/c well.. I was SO burned from my last guy and tired of all the crap that dating brings.
ReplyDeleteI'd almost taken a frekaing JOB in Chicago and moved there to be with him (my ex) when he decided that was a good time to tell me he never wanted to get married...to anyone...not me...not anyone... and that he really didnt wnat me to move to Chicago. Um.. REALLY?! So, after bawling for hours at the OHare airport and other things(awesomely embarassing), I pulled it together after awhile. I went on a series of dates, all craptastic. And then Eric and I started talking. You'd laugh... on our first "date" I asked him "Have you ever done drugs? I dont do drugs. Never have, never will." He was like "Uh..no..??" I then proceeded to ask him about pretty much every uncomfortable thing ever b/c I was like "eff this. I want to get all this crap out first." hahahaha.. Anyway, it obviously worked out. But, I'm just sayin.. I get you, girl. I definitely get you. There are a lot of dogs out there.
Oh my gosh....you are speaking my language! I said just this week that I find the whole thing exhausting and confusing and just not worth it. And if one more person tells me that love comes when you stop looking, I swear I'm going to clock them!
ReplyDeleteI concur.
ReplyDeleteI feel like you wrote this post for me. This is EXACTLY how I feel right now. I am so over it. I meet the biggest losers and I am just done. I'm convinced that there are NO good one's left and prince charming isn't real. Glad I'm not the only one with this problem
ReplyDeleteWow I can totally relate! I haven't been able to date for a while because nothing GOOD has come along. I also hate when people tell me, "it'll happen."
ReplyDeleteGood luck to us both!
So during a car ride with my three brothers up to my new home here in Norfok -- moving a bunch of furniture right before my wedding -- they made me count out the number of guys I'd dated before meeting my husband. Ready for it??? :) 33! Yep, that's right. Went on at least one (for some, several more!) dates with over thirty guys (I won't say "men" because most of them were really "boys.")
ReplyDeleteI say this to say...sometimes you have to sort through a whole bunch of "nope" before the man comes along that stops you in your track and exceeds your wildest dreams. I was SO burnt out from dating an endless stream of guys (from the gym, my office, school, random-guys-i-met-running-black-water-creek, etc.) and just up and decided that I wasn't going to worry about it anymore -- let the WORRY of finding my perfect someone go, and just enjoy singleness and being with my girlfriends. Then of all places, lo and behold I meet my future husband in a BAR. HA! (Note: I didn't go to this bar to MEET a guy or even look -- just hang out with a few friends!) My husband isn't perfect, but I swear he's darn near to it! He blows me away each day with his love for me -- genuine. I'm not going to tell you it's going to happen tomorrow, or next month, or even next year...but I really think it's all about God's timing (I know, I know -- it gets sucky hearing that all the time -- I thought so too!) but that's why you just need to enjoy all life (God!) has placed in your lap right now. :) And just when you least expect it... ;-)
Keep your head up pretty girl! I'm so impressed by all you've put your hands to and have enjoyed following you now on your blog. I'm just sad we didn't get to spend a lot of quality time IN PERSON back when we lived in the same city! Next time I'm in Atlanta (one of my best girlfriends lives there!) I'd love to hang out. :) OR...if you're ever in VA Beach! ;-)
Sorry this is a book -- just wanted to leave some encouragement. HOWEVER -- it's okay to throw a few things and let out a few choice words, too. ;-) God understands. :)
Been there, and done that. I was in your shoes 3.5 years ago. Then I closed my eyes, gave up, and gave my heart to God.
ReplyDeleteGod became my boyfriend. God became my lover. God became who I talked to every night when I was home alone.
More than ever before, God was my lover.
Then one day, I met a friend, and 4 months later God told me I was going to fall for him.
I told God their was no way it was this guy, and giggled. He was not even someone I thought was attractive or even boyfriend material.
Then God grabbed me again, and 7 months from that date I said YES to him and was engaged.
Make God your boyfriend and he will lead you the right man.
Do not pray, God please bring me to my husband or please lead me to my husband.
Pray to God for love, comfort, support, friendship, and passion from him. Then you will be shocked by the man that is standing in front of you.
I love you and smile!
I love you. Never trust a charming boy. <3
ReplyDeleteI'm in the same boat. I broke off the engagement in spring '09, took a year off, started dating again this summer.
ReplyDeleteHave been out with 9 guys in Houston. Dating casually after an engagement is like learning how to write left handed, but the upside is: we can be picky and we're the catch.
Amen, sister!
ReplyDeleteWOW! 34 comments from women that pretty much all hate men! Well, allow me to be number 35!
ReplyDeleteI too have recently had a horrible time in dating and I liked the comment that said "they just don't make men like they used to."
Where are all the men like my dad (and yours too seems like?) And usually, when you do find them, someone else has already snagged them.
It is SO hard to find a guy that is not a jackass, that doesn't have three other girls that are his everything, or that doesn't have a whole family at home. I am convinced though, that someday a guy will come along for each and every one of us when we least expect it.
At least that's what I tell myself to keep me away from the Ben and Jerry's.
Best of luck girl!
I can totally relate to this! The last few guys I have dated would say they wanted to go out again. They would send signals that they were interested...and then they'd drop off the face of the earth. I seem to get those or those that just want to get in my pants.
ReplyDeleteThe dating scene is sucky. Guys seem to have this habit of saying one thing and acting another way.
Best of luck in whatever road you travel. You are an inspiration!
Couldn't agree with you more! I can't seem to find one honest, decent single man out there. I am getting to the age that I have to accept that I may never have children. I guess we are all put here to serve God in different ways and need to trust that things will unfold exactly as they should.
ReplyDeleteI'm just going to agree that is stinks. So just have fun & be you. Being single is SUCH a blessing in disguise sometimes, just as being in a relationship can be a blessing. God can use you so much as a young, single person. So enjoy the time you can spend with friends and not have to worry about someone else all the time. Consume your time with service to God, friends, and family, and if or when HE comes, then he comes. Otherwise, you are a strong, independent woman who loves and fears her Father whom she knows she can always trust! And by the way, not many women can say that about themselves. They have not accomplished as much as you.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your honesty. (:
I totally know how you feel! It doesn't end with 6. It doesn't end with 10 or 20 or more. The frustration of dating and being so exhausted is enough to make anyone want to give up. Who are these women who find their soul mates randomly and so young?
ReplyDeleteI've been there. Sounds like you are doing the right thing. It is easy to say "Keep your head up" or "He will come along" but I know when someone says that to me, I just want to scream. Unfortunately, it is the truth. I have to tell myself that the effort will be worth it in the long run.
Good Luck and however you decide to attack this part of your life will probably be the right way of going about it.
(Yeah, I know I'm super late but I was catching up after months.)